The Monster's Mouth
by Lonigan
Summary: Finn and Jake are doing boring work for Princess Bubblegum, when they receive a strange call from the Ice King. He's lost his magical crown, and only the most awesome heroes of Ooo can help him get it back.
1. Chapter 1: Hold Please

_A/N: _

_Don't forget to review! I read them and often reply. Even suggest your own stories!_

_This is set before 'Jake The Dad'. Lots of hints to past episodes thrown in. Can you spot them? If not, don't worry. Just enjoy!_

* * *

**Adventure Time**

**C'mon grab your friends**

**We'll go to very distant lands**

**With Jake the Dog**

**And Finn the Hu-man**

**The fun will never end**

**It's Adventure Time!**

* * *

It was another gorgeous day in the land of Ooo. For all the sunshine and wonder, trouble brewed in the air, though the land's greatest heroes were not yet aware of it. Finn and Jake were licking hard candy envelopes at the long table of Princess Bubblegum's caste. They had two piles - one with sealed envelopes, the other of unsealed envelopes.

"We're licking on these eeeenvelopes," Jake sung, in the tune to '_Working on the Railroad_', "aaaall the sugar-sweet daaay."

"We're not allowed to eat the enveloooopes," Finn continued, "or PB will send us awaaay."

"Can't you hear my brain... snooooring?

Glob, I've never been so bored."

"Can't you see my face pooooouting?

Princess, there's dungeons to be explored."

And together they sung:

"PB, let us go,

PB, let us go,

PB, let us go eeeeeexplore.

PB, let us go,

PB, let us go,

PB, we want to play in gooooore."

The two of them chuckled, but when they settled after licking a few more envelopes, they slumped down in their chairs.

"This sucks, man," Jake said, after licking another envelope.

"I feel you, brudda," Finn said, "my tongue has shards of candy in it."

Jake inspected Finn's tongue, "Why are we doing this again?"

"Cause Princess asked... Plus, you know. It's been tense lately," Finn said, rubbing his cheek.

"Baby steps, bro," Jake said, putting a thumb up.

"Exactly," Finn agreed, winking.

Princess Bubblegum entered the room, holding a communications device. It had a little red light on it that was flashing.

"How are you guys going?" she asked them, approaching their workspace.

"To be honest, we're kind of over it," Jake said.

"That's alright," said the Princess, "I think you'll be leaving soon anyways."

"What make you say that?" asked Finn, offended.

PB presented the communications device to them, and pressed the blinking red button.

A hologram came up of someone with their long, black hair turned to them. The boys noticed an unimpressive tiara made out of tin foil on top of the mystery person. The figure let out a gasp, surprised, and faced their own camera. It was the Ice King. He was wearing a black wig and had makeup on. The scary thing was the make-up actually looked half decent.

Jake frowned, "What the..?"

"Oh help me brave heroes!" the Ice King pretended to plead with his most girlish voice, "that hunky Ice King has put me in his prison without my consent! Even though princesses, _like me_, usually like being wisped away by the Ice King, I'm just not ready to be_ married_. I want to concentrate on loving _myself_ first."

"Ice King, we know it's you," Finn grumbled.

"What!?" Ice King shouted in his normal voice, and then cleared his throat, and returned to his princess voice, "What... do you mean, handsome? Hehe. Please come and _save_ me."

The Ice King hung up the phone on them, leaving Finn and Jake wide eyed, and Princess Bubblegum bittersweetly amused.

"Something tells me the Ice King wants you guys to come over," said PB, holding back her giggles.

"Ew, no way," Jake said.

"It's probs a trap," Finn agreed.

"Well, if you don't go to him, he'll probably do something _weirder_ to get your attention," PB warned.

Finn and Jake let out a sigh together.

"Plus, I want you guys to delete my number from his phone," she added.

* * *

Soon enough, the brave adventurers walked through the door of the Ice King's home. They found themselves in the main living area where there was his icy recliner, the drum kit, and the repaired hidden entrance to the Ice King's ninja lair. There was a sign on the entrance, saying 'No Jerks Allowed'.

"Okay dude," whispered Jake, "be on your guard. Who knows what that toot is up to."

Finn nodded, and called out, "Ice King! We've come to save the princess!"

From out of nowhere, the still princess-disguised Ice King fell down from the roof, and almost landed on the boys if they hadn't jumped back in time. Finn looked to where the icicles formed on the ceiling, which was where the Ice King had been hanging in order to pounce of them.

All three of them stood up.

"What the stuff, man!" Finn shouted.

"Ah hahahaha!" the Ice King laughed as he threw off his wig and his tin-foil tiara. He wiped the well-done makeup away with his sleeve. "Fools! There is no princess for you to _save,_" he said while bending his two fingers up and down to dismiss the word, "It was me all along!"

"Yeah, we know!" Jake threw up his hands.

In fury, Finn pounced on the Ice King, and the old man cried out as he was propelled to the ground.

"Ah!"

Finn stood on him, with one foot holding down his chest, "Why are you being weird, Ice King!?"

"Ow, ow, ow!" he whined, flailing his arms at Finn's leg, "get offa me!"

"Not until you tell me what you want from us," said Finn, putting more weight onto the wizard's chest.

The Ice King calmed himself, and said in a humbled manner,

"I need your help."


	2. Chapter 2: Three Days Ago

**Three Days Ago...**

People don't ever really notice when the Ice King goes to wizard city. He's not like the Grand Master Wizard, or Blue Fire Wizard, or Ultimate Sausage Wizard. He was not admired like the greater of his kind, merely because he didn't fit in. Perhaps the only reason anyone would bother to acknowledge Ice King's presence was to get him out of their hair before he created a mob. Not that he ever_ lead_ a mob. Rather, the creation of the mob was always to drive the Ice King away.

He flew through the mountains after uttering an ancient and secret passcode, "Wizards rule".

He carried Gunter by his side, who was squawking as she was being carried upside down. Ice King flew down into the town square, where he was met by a few glances, but mostly at the noise of the protesting penguin.

He put Gunter down, saying, "There you go, sweety."

The penguin glared at him.

"Wenkwakwakwak!" she shouted.

"Oh? The _whole _time?"

"Wenk!" and Gunter put her head under Ice King's robe and bit his foot.

He jumped up and down, with his bitten foot in his hands.

"NO GUNTER!" he shouted, his eyes wide and furious, and sharp teeth shining. "What have I told you about biting? Bad penguin!" He tenderly put his foot down, and smacked the penguin on her beak. Gunter rubbed her beak.

"Ok, now let's see," Ice King said, and he reached into his robes and grabbed out a list. It was titled 'Force Princess To Be Hot For You Potion', and there were ingredients under this, a few of which had been crossed off as they were accessible in the land of Ooo. However, of all the things the Ice King had found, he had run out of 'glass bottles', 'fumpkin horns', and 'star blood'.

"Where's the grocery market around here?" said Ice King, looking around. He walked through the town with the grumpy penguin by his side.

"Hm..." mumbled Ice King, "Gunter, go ask for directions."

Gunter glared at him again, "Wenk, wenk." and then began to walk off.

"Fine! I'll do it myself," Ice King frowned, and muttered, "_Drama-queen_."

He approached an orange wizard that was a large oval shape and had mouths scattered all over his body. He had no eyes, and his arms and legs were hidden under his long red robes. He had a pointed hat with lips at the top.

"Hey, mouth guy!" Ice King called to him.

The mouth wizard turned to him. He voice was ghoulish, all talking at once in perfect harmony, with one of the mouths screaming under all the other voices.

"Yeeess?"

"Where's the grocery store around here?"

"Jusssst down therrrre," and he revealed his arms, which had sharp teeth as his fingers, and pointed across town square to a street. Ice King noticed everyone walking in its direction.

"Ugh!" he cried out, "I don't wanna wait in a stinkin' _line_."

"Shopsss are closssed today."

"What? Then why would you give me directions!?"

"The Mouth Wizzzard ansssswers all quesssstions," said the Mouth Wizard.

"Alright," Ice King rubbed his chin, "Where's everyone going then?"

"Issss the Wizzzzard In Sssshow day. Wizzzzards and Witchessss show off their mad ssssskills in a one day contessst."

"Sounds tight," Ice King said with a chuckle, "What do you win?"

"Wizzzzard in Ssshow."

"Is it too late to enter?"

The Mouth Wizard laughed, all of its voices echoing differently.

The Ice King frowned. It didn't sound like laughing to him. "Wha-What are you doing?"

"Wizzzzard in Sssshow isss for pretty lady wizzzards and ssssentive guy wizzzards. It's a dissplay of charmssss, not powerful fighting spppellssss... or your lame icccce powerssss."

"Lame!?"

"Whatever, I'm goinngggg to the ssshow now," the Mouth Wizard said, and waved him off, "Peacccce out."

"Hrmmmm," Ice King murmured in thought.

* * *

The Ice King soon found himself with a garbage bag filled with popcorn at the local wizard theatre. Seeing a free seat, he squeezed down the isle knocking people out with his butt.

"Excuse me," he said, "Sorry. Oopsies."

The other wizards all groaned at the site of him, and silently begged that he would not sit next to them. Sighs of relief followed the further down the row he moved. He eventually sat down next to a hag, who only glanced at him, and ignored him.

Ice King started to shovel popcorn into his mouth, then noticed the not-that-bad-looking hag next to him.

"Want some?" Ice King offered, then winked, "Cutie."

She presently got up, and walked off without answering him at all. Ice King shrugged and continued to immerse himself in his popcorn.

He noticed the Grand Master Wizard off to the side, who was petting a cat that was tiny in comparison to his large form. The giant wizard cleared his throat.

"Wizards, witches, and posers of all ages! I am the Grand Master Wizard of ceremonies!" he boomed, instantly silencing the crowd. "We have gathered here for the tenth annual Wizard In Show! The goal? To deface this theatre with glitter and make the crowd go 'ahhh' at pretty spells and things. The prize, is, of course, the title of Wizard In Show. That's it. That's all you get. Bragging rights for a year, I guess."

The crowd exchanged looks, but the Grand Master Wizard continued, "BY THE DING DONG OF THE CLOCK AT MIDDAY, MAY THIS CHARMS CONTEST BE... UNDERWAY!"

And the bells of the town's clock dinged and donged, and the witches and wizards took their turns on the stage. They went in twos, going head to head. The weaker charm caster would be booed off stage in order to determine the winner, and their humiliation was furthered by the Grand Master Wizard turning them into a cat.

Ice King found himself rather bored after a couple of wizards throwing rainbows, flowers, doves, and other glittery junk at the crowd. The front row had been enjoying themselves, as they had arrived extra early to be in the 'Splash Zone'. By the middle of the first rounds, the splash zoners looked particularly depressed despite being smothered in colour and sparkles. To relieve his own boredom, Ice King merely threw more popcorn in his mouth. Soon, he reached the bottom of his garbage bag.

"Huh, this sucks," Ice King thought out loud, standing up, "I'll just come back tomorrow."

"Next up," began the Grand Master Wizard as a cat and a victor walked offstage, "The Blossom Witch versus... the dreaded Pillow Wizard, who may or may not have paid me to put dreaded in front of his name."

The crowd perked up, and the Ice King heard the excited chatter amongst the crowd.

"Oh, Blossom Witch! She's _so_ good!"

"I love you BW!"

"I WANTCHA BABEHS BLOSSOM WITCH"

This made the Ice King sit back down, and he looked towards the beauty that was Blossom Witch. Her body was green and a bit chubby, but in a healthy manner. Her hair was short and poofed out, and was made out of flower petals that floated down occasionally, only to replaced instantaneously for an infinite effect. She wore giant petals that were shaped into a heavily sleeved kimono, but the bottom was made so that her legs were completely visible. She had a pink purse on her, which glowed pink energy. The only scary thing about her was her large, pink cat eyes, and her gleaming white fangs.

The Ice King wolf whistled along with the crowd, and the Blossom Witch giggled. When they didn't stop, her expression fell, her cat eyes narrowed, and her bag glowed brightly, and somehow, it silenced the whole crowd. Even Ice King was bewildered by losing his voice momentarily, but the show went on.

The Pillow Wizard was a skinny boy wizard who suffered from beard acne. At first glance, he was clearly no match for the Blossom Witch. She was gracious enough to let the Pillow Wizard go first. His adolescent voice terribly unbalanced.

"I cast COMFY BUNS!" he cried out on the top of his voice, and he held out his hands, and made pillows appear under the seats of three rows. They clapped unenthusiastically, and the Pillow Wizard sweated from the effort and bowed.

The Blossom Witch narrowed her eyes, "If it is comfort you seek, why not sit... ON NOTHING AT ALL!?" Her pack began to glow.

"I cast, ULTIMATE COMFORTABLE VINE UNCHAIRS!" and with this, roots sprung up from the ground and lifted half the crowd into the air. The vines manoeuvred themselves around the limbs of the crowd to get them into sitting positions. As she had promised, they sat on nothing. Rather, they hung. One of the vines had chosen the Ice King, but he merely yelped and froze it solid in surprise. His foot had been caught in the process.

Then, as everyone was settled hanging in the air, the buds began spurting out falling petals that exploded into tinier petals with the sound of crackling fireworks. They exploded tinier and tinier until they blinked out of existence. The crowd oooed and ahhhed, and they cheered the loudest they had all day at the ultimate charm caster.

With no chance to even dent his competition, the lame Pillow Wizard was turned into a kitten, though his acne still remained.

The Blossom Witch bowed once at the cheers of her crowd, and they threw flowers at her. She bowed again. Blew a kiss. Then bowed again. This time, the flap of her bag opened, and an old toy fell out. She merely giggled, and picked it up. It was a _very _old bear with long limbs that was in terrible condition. She held it up, and made its ancient, tattered arm wave to the crowd.

An uneasy feeling settled in the mind of the Ice King, something like deja-vu but not as intense. It crept up on him slowly and prickled at him, annoying him more than anything. It _annoyed_ him that this witch had the bear.

* * *

With the first round ended, the witches and wizards of Wizard In Show were backstage, reading over their old spell books and practising small charms to keep themselves sharp. The Blossom Witch had her own make-up station set up, where she was powdering herself, readying for her next debut.

"Where did you get that?" said a voice from behind her. It gave her chills, mainly because she could feel some creep's breath on her neck.

She turned to spot the Ice King, deep in her personal space.

"Do you mind? I can smell the penguin dooty on you," she growled.

"Oh, sorry," said Ice King, and stepped back out of her space bubble. He began to scratch at his leg without really thinking of it.

"Where did you get that?" he repeated, looking towards the bag, "The bear."

"Some jerk sold it to me for a wand," said the witch, "this thing has been fuelling my charms for _years_."

"Can I have it?"

"What?"

"I want the bear."

"No!" she screeched, her cat pupils as thin as paper, her fangs sharp, "Rack off before I turn you into compost!"

The Ice King let his frown fade to a casual smile. He said slowly, "Ahhh well. If the lady says no she says," and then he shot a hand forward, froze the Blossom Witch's legs, and snatched her purse from her, "YOINK!" and ran like he was stepping on hot coals.

Unable to run after him immediately, the Blossom Witch broke the ice encasing her legs by slicing through it with the falling petals from her hair. A vortex of razor sharp petals swarmed around her head in fury, and she chased after the thief by riding on the swirling petals like a hovercraft.

When he saw that she was free, the Ice King propelled himself into the air with his beard. He was soon amongst the rooftops, and spotted Gunter throwing bottles off one of the buildings. He swooped down and snatched her up. The penguin cried out in both rage and panic.

"GAH! Hold still, man!" Ice King ordered in a fluster, "We've got an angry flower on our tail!"

The barrier between the Wizard City and the rest of Ooo flickered out of existence as the Ice King approached, and he flew through to the rocky plains.

The Blossom Witch was close behind him, her rage thrusting her forward.

She came up behind him, and rear-ended the Ice King out of the air. He fell forward, bouncing against the hard surface of the ground, and skid to a stop. His thousand-year-old body somehow managed to rise, and he turned to face the Blossom Witch. Razor sharp petals swarmed around her as she hovered in the hair.

"GIMME BACK THE BEAR!"

"No, it's mine!" and the Ice King lifted up his robe, and forced the purse into the wraps that were his underpants. When it was fastened, he dropped the robes and lit up his hands with ice, readying for an assault.

The Blossom Witch shuddered, "Ugh, yuck! That's my purse, you creep!"

"Well, this is what you get for taking _my_ bear."

"IT'S NOT EVEN - YOU DON'T - GAH!" and half formed insults spat out of the Blossom Witch, until she screamed in absolute fury and made vines lift out of the earth to attack Ice King. He jumped back, and froze the ones that were direct threats. He did not notice a smaller vine headed under his robe to retrieve the purse, but even the vine shuddered at the thought of retrieving it, and exploded like a firework, dying a thousand times out of existence, just to get away from the Ice King's junk.

Frustrated, the Blossom Witch made a vine grow out from behind the Ice King, and snatched his crown away.

"Hey!" said Ice King, and his powers faltered.

The vine holding the crown grew up towards the Blossom Witch, and she snatched it from her minion.

"The toy for your crown, _Ice Creep."_

"That's _Ice King _to you, butt."

"What's a king without his crown?" she teased, "The toy, now."

And there was the impasse.


	3. Chapter 3: Chomp!

"So what, you just ran off with a lady's bag in your pants?" Jake processed, disgusted.

"Well, yeah," said Ice King, "It was kinda comfortable after a while, too..." He trailed off for a bit, "Maybe I'll take that one to the patent office."

Finn and Jake stared at him blankly.

"NO STEALSIES."

Finn and Jake merely exchanged glances.

"So, you want us, to help you, get your crown back?" Finn clarified.

"Yup."

"Why not just give the bear back, man?" Finn asked.

Ice King turned away for a moment, and walked a little ways away from them like he was about to start pacing. "I can't." He turned back, "C'mon guys. I _need_ my crown. It covers my hat hair." He ran a hand over his head self-consciously.

Finn and Jake exchanged looks again, unsure if they should help him.

"You gotta understand... Finn, you know the shame of not having headgear," and he proceeded to moan, "Please, please, please, please just do this one thing for me." He got onto his knees and put one hand on each of the heroes' chests. "I'm _begging_ you."

The two of them slapped his hands away, and walked into a corner to have a private conference.

"Well, I think he's telling the truth about what happened," Finn whispered.

"Yeah, but, helping the _Ice King_? This isn't like questing for PB, or cheering up a sad goblin - _who the Ice King made cry_."

"I know it's weird, dude."

"What if this is super dangerous? That witch sounded nasty powerful," Jake warned.

"My gut is telling me we should help the brother out," Finn said, "plus, then he'll owe us."

Jake rubbed at his chin, sighing in a variety of tones as he thought, "Allll-right. Let's do it."

Finn and Jake turned back to the Ice King who was still on his knees.

"We'll do it," said Finn, punching his palm in determination.

The Ice King's face lit up, "THANK-YOU! Awh! You have no-" and he started to tear up in gratitude, "-idea what this means to me!"

"Hold in your eye rain man," Jake said, grossed out by the boogers that were spilling out.

"Sorry," Ice King apologised, composing himself.

Finn asked, "Where does this Blossom Witch live anyhow?"

"In the forest, deep into wizard turf. Dangerous place. People always trying to get you to trade your soul and stuff," Ice King said, "I'll show you the way."

Jake shook his head, "No way man, you don't have any powers. You're just going to slow us down."

"Wonderful!" Ice King cried out in delight, completely dismissing what Jake said, "we'll leave after I make us sandwiches!"

As he left the room, Jake slapped his face and groaned.

* * *

Soon enough, Finn, Jake, and the Ice King were walking through a dark forest where the canopy almost completely blocked out all light. It was completely silent, which Jake found the most unsettling. He had his arms close to himself, trying to comfort his fear.

"This place is creepy, man," Jake said.

"I know," Finn agreed, "Where are all the forrest critters and stuff?"

"Isn't this fun?" Ice King said, "All three of us in the great outdoors? Bro-ing it out_ together_. Hehehe."

Jake was looking more and more miserable by the minute, but Finn was determined to help the old man out.

They came to a fork in the road and the three of them stopped.

"Which way Ice King?"

The Ice King rubbed his beard, thinking, "I don't really know. I fly over the paths."

"So, you came along with us to help, but you don't actually _know _the way," Jake grumbled.

Finn said, "Well, what way do you _think _it is?"

Ice King frowned as he thought, "Ugh... Left." He looked up to what sky he could see. "Yes, left."

"Cool, then we'll go right."

"What?"

Finn explained, "If Jake and I have learnt everything, taking the path that seems logical to someone always leads to danger."

"Both paths are dangerous," Ice King said, annoyed, "the left is just in the right direction."

Finn and Jake walked forward onto the right path, "C'mon Ice King."

Uncertainly, the Ice King followed them, after taking one last look at the left path.

* * *

A little ways down the road, there were finally the sounds of animals. This comforted Jake a little, but the three of them were very much on their guards. The Ice King trailed behind the adventures, knowing they were going in the wrong direction.

"This is _wrong_," said the Ice King, panic clear in his voice, "we should go back."

"We never turn back!" Jake said, fist pumping his buddy.

Then finally, the inevitable danger of the road.

Without warning, a giant mud monster formed from the ground, gurgling and spitting up sludge. The forrest critters that they had heard were actually stuck in his body. They shrieked, and squawked, and wailed for release, but they were being absorbed by the mud monster's body.

Finn drew his sword, and Jake got into a ready stance.

"Don't worry forrest critters, we'll save you!" Finn said, and the two of them charged forward. The Ice King hung back, not sure what to do without his powers.

Finn hacked and slashed at the empty spaces of the creature, only splashing mud about, whereas Jake worked to free a squirrel, but the more he tugged, the more the squirrel got sucked in. Soon, Jake's arms disappeared into the mud monster, sucking him in.

"Finn!" he cried out, trying to stretch himself out of the goo, but it sucked faster than he could stretch. Finn had his own problem. The monster had seized his sword, and in his attempt to yank it out, his feet had gotten caught. Beginning to panic he started to flail frantically in its grasp. He looked back to Ice King, who was standing idly watching them.

"ICE KING!" Finn shouted, "Don't just stand there."

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Anything!" Jake yelled.

The Ice King rubbed his beard thoughtfully for an agonisingly long time. Jake sunk deeper into the Mud Monster, and Finn was trapped up to his chest. The Ice King suddenly clicked his fingers as an idea came to him and he waltzed over into the mud monster's view.

"Hey hot stuff!" he teased, winking at it, "Bet you want some of this yummy Ice King to eat don't you? Heh heh heh."

The mud monster stared.

"Like, to actually eat," said the Ice King, trying to make it clearer to the beast, "I taste like old beef jerky... Probably."

The mud monster suddenly reared its head down, snatched him up with his mud mouth, and swallowed him whole.

Jake cried out, "Gah! Now what!?"

Something odd happened with the mud monster after he swallowed the Ice King. His entire body began to ripple and vibrate. He made a sick sound, and some of the smaller creatures fell out of his body. It vibrated more and more, and groaned in sickness. Then it began to swell, swallowing a screaming Finn and Jake whole in its surging muck. Finally, it exploded.

A mud covered Finn, Jake, Ice King, and scores of forrest critters soared so high up into the air, you could see both of the paths from below. The Ice King was curled up in a defensive ball, while Finn was trying to catch some of the animals from where he was. As he knew, what comes up must go down. The moment Jake felt himself going down, he stretched himself out and caught everyone with the bottom half of his body. With the top, he formed himself into a parachute.

Soon falling became gliding, and the wind steered them towards the left path. When they landed, Jake rolled himself out, releasing everyone, and shrunk back to normal size. Bewildered, Finn looked over to the Ice King, who came out of his ball to reveal a giant brown gem in between his teeth. His bite had cracked it. The wizard spat it out, coughed out some mud, and begin patting at his tongue.

"Ewwww, nasty!" he whined, his body shaking in repulsion.

Finn laughed at him, while Jake wiped the sweat from his brow.

"How did you know to do that?" asked Finn.

"Been around the block a few times, I guess," said the Ice King, "I've gotten out of a few jams by letting myself get eaten."

Finn and Jake laughed, but it was mostly out of relief.

"It's gross the first few times, but it gets nice later. All warm and stuff," the Ice King added wiggling his fingers, a nostalgic smile crossing his face. Finn and Jake's laughs trailed off with this remark.


	4. Chapter 4: Empathy Exercise

With the sky dying into evening, and the crew covered in mud, the three of them decided to bathe in a nearby stream and call it a day. Once they were dry, they started a fire and ate the sandwiches that the Ice King had made. Jake was suspicious of them at first, but after he sniffed them, he deemed the food fit for consumption. The boys tore into them, gulping down the halves in a matter of seconds. The Ice King only ate a couple of bites before giving up on eating all together. He put his food back into its paper bag, and stared at the fire, his face furrowing in concern.

"What's up, Ice King?" Jake asked, his mouth full.

"Yeah, you not hungry?"

Ice King looked up, "I guess I filled up on mud. Hehe... Hm."

"Don't stress, we'll get your crown back," Finn assured him.

"I know, I know," he said, patting his hand in the air, "I'm just getting this weird feeling."

"What kind of feeling?" asked Jake.

Ice King just ran his hands down his cheeks, stretching them out, and let out a frustrated "Hrrm," and said, "Don't worry about it. Once we get my crown, it'll be all sweet."

Finn put his sandwiches away for tomorrow, while Jake continued.

"How long have you gone _not_ wearing your crown?" asked Finn out of curiosity.

"This is the longest in quite a while," he answered, drawing circles in the dirt.

"Does it... make you feel any different?" the boy asked.

"What? Well, I guess my head feels lighter not lugging all that gold around," the Ice King murmured, rubbing his hand over his head, "but I miss the weight."

Jake gave Finn a curious expression, not sure where he was going with this, but he ignored it.

"Nothing else?"

Ice King looked at Finn directly, frowning, "Whaddya want me to say?"

Finn put his hands out and shook them, "Nothing, nothing."

Ice King abruptly stood up, and walked over to Finn, and snatched his hat off. Finn gave little resistance, and brought his hands up to his head in protest. His hair was down to his shoulders now. Jake took this assault seriously.

"Dude!" he said protectively.

"Calm your farm," Ice King told him, "Finn and I are doing an _empathy exercise_."

Jake collected himself, while Finn just looked up at the Ice King, his long goblin nose pointing directly at him.

"Well?" Ice King said.

Finn frowned, "Well what?"

"What's it like not having_ your_ hat?"

Finn pursed his lips as he thought. "I dunno. Weird. I've always worn my hat."

Ice King tossed it lightly back at Finn, who raced to catch it. He hobbled back over to his spot, thought about sitting down, then looked over to the pile of sticks.

"I'm going to get extra kindling," he said pleasantly, "I'll be right back."

When he disappeared off in the distance, Finn pulled his hat back on. Jake's gaze fell on Finn, and settled there. When Finn noticed his bro's eyes on him, he looked over to him, waiting for him to say something.

"You shouldn't bother with stuff like that, buddy," said Jake.

"He probably used to be not-so-nuts, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. But, you're still a kid. That heavy stuff will just mess you up. Best let sleeping ogres lie."

His voice solemn, Finn said, "Alright."

More silence in a silent forest.

Jake began patting his head, "All this talk about hats makes me want one."

Finn chuckled, "You've got heaps. You just never wear them again."

"Oh, oh yeah."

Finn looked back to the fire, where his expression fell. He felt defeated. There are just some things in the world that heroes can't fix by shouting battle cries and sweeping swords at.


	5. Chapter 5: HOO!

Under the midnight moon, ambers burned in a clearing where two adventurers and an old man slept. Finn and Jake slept close to each other, whereas the Ice King was opposite to them. The Ice King was far from sleeping peacefully though. He grumbled and tossed and turned and whimpered...

* * *

_...The Ice King found himself naked, with only his beard covering his private particles. He felt colder than usual, and looked up to see that stood in a florally decorated cave that had a cherry blossom tree weeping its petals into a pond in the middle of it. The Blossom Witch appeared, and she seemed to be fuming about something. She was carrying the Ice King's crown._

_The Ice King cried out, but no sounds came from his mouth. He put his hands to his throat, wondering why he could not speak. So, instead, he watched._

_The Blossom Witch put the crown on a shelf that was above her alchemy station, and sat down on the chair, and stared at it for a while. Her expression turned from angry, to thoughtful. She leaned forward and began to flick through a book, and stopped at a page with the very same crown illustrated on it. In particular, she paid attention to the words, 'Works best with the Ice King' and 'Not worth it, bro'. __She tapped at the words with two fingers, as the gears in her brain turned, and she got out another book. She turned to a page that was titled, 'Ultimate Magical Item Transfiguration'. The description said, 'The spell that will combine multiple magical items into one object of great power' and further down it said, 'Loyal to its creator'. She drummed her fingers on the page, and a smile crossed her face._

_Suddenly the Ice King found himself flying, following the Blossom Witch through the forest at night, where she came across a little place made out of wood. It was the home of the Forest Wizard, and she slipped in, and came back out with a crown made out of leaves and vines. She popped it into her new purse, and raced off, the Ice King unwillingly following her._

_The last place they went to was into Wizard City, where they went to the large home that was the Grand Master Wizard's. The Ice King followed her inside to watch the Blossom Witch snatch the green gem from the sleeping wizard's left eye._

_When she removed it, the Grand Master Wizard appeared to wake for a moment. The Blossom Witch panicked, and started to meow to soothe him. The wizard giggled, and he appeared to settle. She wiped her forehead in relief, and dashed away._

_Suddenly, the Ice King was amongst the stars with a red sky. His crown, and the two other objects that the Blossom Witch had stolen swirled around him, faster and faster until they became a blur. He heard evil chanting in another language, reciting a dark and powerful spell._

_Confused, he turned around and saw the Cosmic Owl, who was on the phone. Still unable to speak, the Ice King waved frantically at him._

_When the Cosmic Owl finally noticed him, he turned, "Oh, sorry man."_

_The Cosmic Owl faced the Ice King, and grew large. Then, he spread out his wings and let out a great "HOO!"_

* * *

The Ice King sprung from his sleep and howled. Finn and Jake jumped up in surprise, and assumed battle stances with their eyes still closed.

"Why, wha? What's going on!?" Jake demanded.

Finn rubbed his eyes and looked over to the Ice King, who was breathing heavily, and even crying a bit.

"Woa, are you alright?" Finn asked him, his voice only at half strength with sleepiness.

"_We have to go_!" the Ice King ordered hysterically, getting up, and beginning to hurry down the path. It was barely before sunrise, and the road was as dark as dark gets.

"Wait!" Finn cried out, running after him with Jake close behind.

"I can't see him," Jake panicked, "I can't see anything."

The commotion had stirred the beasts of the forrest from their own sleep, and the hum of something like cicadas begin to vibrate the earth.

"Grab out the torch!" Jake ordered.

"Ok, ok!" Finn said, and Jake could hear him scrambling through his bag. He felt around for the box of matches and a long wooden stick that had lard wrapped around it. He lit the match, then transferred the flame to the torch. As it lit up, so too did the eyes of a strange hybrid. They had the shape of rabbits and were about the same size of them, but had beetle shells and their ears were transparent wings. Their eyes matched the colour of the flame, and their ear/wings fluttered furiously. There were hundreds of them.

"Sick! What are they!?" Jake whimpered.

"I don't know man!" Finn cried out, "Bunny bugs? Bug bunnies?"

Two of them swooped down at the adventurers, and they ducked, narrowly avoiding buck-teeth-pincers. Finn passed the torch to Jake and wielded his sword.

"Ice King!?" Finn called out, running up the path. Jake followed behind, lighting the way. As they ran, the creatures continued to swoop down at them. Jake batted them away with enlarged, muscly arms, while Finn sliced them in half. They caught up to Ice King, skidding to a stop when they saw him. There were five bug bunnies on him, and he was swiping them away from his position on the ground. They were spitting goop on him.

"EW, GET OFF!" he yelled.

Finn and Jake swatted the creatures away, and Finn even threw one into the bushes. They all cried out, and retreated back into the bushes.

"What the stuff man!?" Finn shouted at Ice King angrily.

"I'm sorry," he repeated over and over, as he got up, "The dream."

"Huuuh," Finn growled.

"But it wasn't a dream," the Ice King rambled, "We need to go, now."

Jake stopped the Ice King from turning and walking off, "Are you crazy!? It's like, 4am!"

"Yeah, Ice King. We need our sleep if we're gonna help you."

"Fine! I don't need your help!" Ice King shouted at them, furious, "You can sleep all you like but I'm going to get my crown, you jerks!"

He pushed out of Jake's way, and continued to hurry down the path into the pitch black again. Finn and Jake could hear him begin to sob. The sobs grew further and further away.

Jake turned on his heel, and threw his arms up in the air, "Welp! He said he doesn't want our help. Let's go home."

Finn stood still, "Nah man."

Jake turned, "Wha? C'mooooon, Finn."

"He's really freaked out, brudda. Plus, we can't let him wonder around the woods in the dark. He's going to get himself killed."

"_Finn_..."

"Jake."

"Ughhhh, fine," Jake grumbled, crossing his arms. And the two raced after the Ice King.


	6. Chapter 6: The Blossom Witch

It was sunrise, and the woods had become less thick. The party could see the light through the trees, they could see the sky and clouds that the sunlight spilled morning pink onto. The Ice King was still a bit freaked out, but much calmer than when he had woken up. Finn and Jake were tired, but they didn't let it slow them down. They were used to being tired when adventuring.

The Ice King had sort of explained the dream to them in rushed sentences when the boys asked. The mention of cosmic owl - which the Ice King didn't understand the importance of - set off warning bells in their brains.

"Oh, here we are," said the Ice King as they approached a small stream with a waterfall. "She should be in there," and the Ice King's voice filled with rage, "with _my _crown!"

"Cool," said Finn, half yawning.

* * *

Finn and Jake burst through the waterfall, to find themselves in a cave. The Ice King was behind them. They followed the cave down for a while until they came to a door. Finn went for the door knob, but two wooden hands appeared on the door and pushed him back. Then, the face of a wooden hag appeared on the door to give a mind to the hands.

"What are you doing!?" it demanded.

"We need to see the Blossom Witch," said Finn.

"I don't care! You can't touch my knob without answering a riddle," said the door.

Finn and Jake groaned as the door cleared its voice.

"Let's see. You guys look pretty dumb. I'll give you an easy one. Ok... How many flowers do I have, if all of them except for two are roses, all of them except two are tulips, and all of them except two are violets?"

Finn and Jake started counting fingers.

"Um, six?"

"Yeah," Jake agreed, "two roses, two tulips, two violets."

The door smiled, "Is that your final answer?"

"No!" the Ice King urged.

The boys turned.

"It's three, you butts. You're working it out backwards," the Ice King argued, then explained, "All of them except two, as in, all of them could be roses, but two of them are not. So that's one... One of each flower."

"Oh," Finn murmured, and to the door with a fist pump he yelled out, "yeah, what he said!"

The door glowered at them and disappeared.

* * *

The three of them crashed through to the other side.

Jake shouted, "Give us the crown so we can go home, Blossom Witch!"

The Blossom With was floating above the pool with the cherry blossom by its bank. The Ice King's crown, the Forrest Wizard's floral crown, and the gem eye from the Grand Master Wizard were all spinning around her, catching up the fallen petals with it. She glanced over to them.

"What, who are you!?" she then hissed at the site of the, "Ice King!"

"Gimme back my crown!" he yelled, shaking his fist.

"Gimme back my bear!"

"It's _my _bear. And that's _my _crown!"

The Blossom Witch laughed, her teeth long and sharp, her cat eyes narrow and large and savage, "It wont be for any longer! You're too late!"

And she continued to chant her spell, and the three magical items swirled around faster, and faster, until they were a blur.

"We have to stop her!" Finn shouted over the wind of the spell. Finn and Jake ran at her, but razor sharp flower petals defended her, forcing Finn and Jake back.

From behind them, the Ice King suddenly started inspecting his hands, turning them over and back. The spirits he so often saw began to surge around the spell, and cry out in terror.

"Guys, something weird is happening," he announced, but the boys were too busy trying to stop the spell.

And the blur began to glow green and gold and red, and then there was a loud CRRAAAAACK!

And the wind stopped.

And the flower petals fell.

And Finn and Jake looked up to see the Blossom Witch wearing a hybrid crown. It was in the shape of the Ice King's crown, but it was made of twisting wooden branches. The middle point was quite long, and the green gems were in the same position as the original crown, except they were the same shape as the Grand Master Wizard's eye.

The Blossom Witch raised an arm, and conjured a spell of twisting vines with unbloomed frozen flowers to twist around her arm in an experiment. The flowers suddenly opened, amd frozen cats sprung out of them.

The Ice King gave a cry out, and Finn and Jake twisted around to see him on his knees, holding his head. His teeth were gritted, and he was shaking in absolute agony.

Finn and Jake hurried over to him, "What's wrong?"

The Ice King could barely hear them over the ringing in his ears, the boiling water that was in his brain. "Ah!" Unable to balance himself, the Ice King fell to his side, still with his hands on his head, shaking uncontrollably. Finn didn't know what was happening, what to do.

Jake turned back to the Blossom Witch, and demanded her to "Reverse the spell!"

"That patoot has had this coming for a _long_ time," the Blossom Witch sneered, "with the combined powers of this crown, I'm going to turn the Ice Kingdom into my throsty vined domain, and spread my flowers ALL OVER THE WORLD. Ah-hahahahahaaaa!"

She flew down to Jake, and whispered, "It's about time the Ice Kingdom had a _queen_." She laughed hysterically, unable to control herself.

"Take over Ooo!? That's insane!" Jake cried out, "You're meant to be a charm-caster or something."

"With the power of this crown, I can do ANYTHING," she yelled furiously, and threw a vine with icy thorns at Jake, who narrowly dodged it.

Finn turned to fight, but the Ice King said something, and Finn's attention came back to him.

"Reverse... the spell," the Ice King begged, his voice wobbling and straining to not shriek.

"How!?"

"Dark magic..." the Ice King suddenly wailed, but he had to keep talking, "always has a sweet spot... The... The GEM."

Finn suddenly flashed back, seeing the cracked gem of the mud monster in between the Ice King's teeth back in the forrest. He blinked.

"The gem, gotcha," Finn said.

"Hurry uuuuup!" the Ice King wailed, curling up into a shaking ball.

Finn ran to assist Jake, whose arms were being tangled in the vines. He charged at them with his sword, and freed Jake. The Blossom Witch screamed in rage, and she began to mutate. Her cat eyes, once pink, now turned blue, and her body began to grow, her pudgy arms and legs turning into cruel vines, and icicle spikes grew out of her back. There was nothing that was cute or beautiful about her now. She had completely deformed under the crown's power.

She threw vines at the boys, and they dodged away from them, and sliced at the vines together.

"We need to break the middle gem," Finn told Jake.

"How!?"

Finn looked back to the Ice King, to see the moment when his shaking stopped. Finn panicked, not sure if he was dead or passed out. Finn's mind flashed back to the forest again. He charged forward.

"Hey _bottom_ witch!" he shouted, "I bet your dumb flowers need some fertiliser! Come and get some, BOI!"

The Blossom Witch screeched in anger, and cackled, as she threw down a vine to retrieve him. Finn pretended to try to dodge, but he was scooped up. She brought Finn close to her mouth, and it opened at a 180 degree angle. She had formed several tongues out of vines, and they all lashed out hungrily. The Blossom Witch dropped Finn into her mouth, but he managed to land on her lips, rather than fall in.

He leaped to the top of her face, reared his sword up, and screamed, "EAT THIS!"

The sword came down onto the green gem, and it exploded. Finn was thrown back, losing consciousness from the impact. Jake saw this immediately, and leapt up and caught him. He lowered Finn down as gently as he could, and put him on the ground.

"Finn!? Finn?" Jake panicked, "Be ok, be ok buddy."

Finn took a moment, but his bro's words called him back to the land of the living.

"I'm cool," Finn groaned, and sat up on his own. Jake hugged him out of relief.

The Blossom Witch, turned back to her normal self, was sitting with her legs spread and a blank expression on her face. She blinked, and looked to the three magical objects that were lying around her. By the crown, the Ice King stood, his expression filled with complete and utter rage. He bent down, picked it up, and placed it back on his head. The moment he did so, the room became very cold... very quickly. His body radiated with the energy of the cold, and his hands glowed with power. His eyes widened, and his mouth grew large, and his teeth grew into dozens of needles. White energy lit up these features, making him all the more horrifying.

"How... Dare... YOU!" he screamed into the terrified Witch's face, "HOW DARE YOU STEAL THIS CROWN, AND TWIST IT INTO A TOY OF NATURE, YOU _IMBOCILE_!"

Finn and Jake looked over. They didn't even recognise the Ice King anymore. Even his voice had a menace the boys had not heard in their many encounters with him. The Blossom Witch trembled, and snow began to swirl around the room. The pond froze almost instantly, and the pond's blossom tree died from the frost.

"I AM THE ICE KING, AND THIS CROWN IS ONE OF SNOW, AND FROST... _ALONE. _I WILL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! I WILL FREEZE THIS ENTRE FOREST UNTIL EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE OF YOUR PRECIOUS PLANTS CRACK INTO A THOUSAND PIECES. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE BEEN COLDER IN ALL YOUR SHORT. PATHETIC. LIVES!"

"No!" the Blossom Witch pleaded, "Not the forrest! I didn't know! I didn't know!"

The Ice King's voice turned into a hiss as he raised his glowing hands, "Prepare to dieeeee."

"No!" Jake shouted.

The Ice King turned towards the boys, he hovered towards them, his face completely twisted, distorted in magical rage, "You would stand in my way!? I will freeze your innards one by one! You will feel each of your organs turn to ice, and crack inside you! And when you BEG for death, even then I SHALL NOT GRANT IT!"

"Fine!" Finn shouted, "You want to kill us you ungrateful sonuva toot? Do it!"

The Ice King hissed as he raised his arms, and Finn and Jake hugged each other, and closed their eyes. They waited for the end. The terrible pain of death.

But it did not come.

They opened their eyes to see the power mad Ice King close his eyes, and he breathed out a cold wind into their faces. The further he breathed out, the more he returned to his old self. His powers started to blink out, and he lowered himself to the ground. Once he landed, he dropped his arms. He looked up at Finn and Jake, only to see the terror in their faces.

The Ice King stepped away from them, frightened of himself more than anything. He began to hit his head and groan in a frenzy of disgrace. He leapt into the air and flapped his beard, flying past Finn and Jake, through the door, and out back into the land of Ooo.

The boys exchanged a look of relief, and turned to see the Blossom Witch, trembling on the ground, her eyes wide.

Finn and Jake couldn't resist helping the witch to her feet.

"Are you ok?" Jake asked.

"That crown was the nastiest piece of magic I have ever..." said the Blossom Witch, and paused when she looked to her tree. "Oh, my cherry blossom."

"You can always plant a new one?" suggested Finn.

"That was my first born," the Blossom Witch sighed, "she was two days away from graduating."

Finn and Jake exchanged a look.

"If you see the Ice King, tell him that if he comes near me again, I'll have every wizard in Ooo after him," she hissed, "but he can keep the dumb bear. I'll find someone else's jerky boyfriend to sell me stuff."

There was something familiar about what the witch said that set off bells in the boys' brains, but they ignored it for now.

"Well, if you're okay, we'll be going now," said Jake.

The Cherry Blossom swallowed her anger and pride, and uttered a soft, "Thank-you. I am in your debt, heroes. Had I worn that crown for any longer, I would have been madder than a bag of cats."

Finn gave a thumbs up, "No probs."

Jake added, "It's our jobs."


	7. Chapter 7: Two People

The boys spent the next couple of days recovering from their adventure back at the treehouse. Finn lay out on the grass, staring at the passing morning clouds, whereas Jake stood at the doorway, drinking a steaming cup of tea. Jake followed his bro outside, and sat next to him.

"What's on your mind, buddy?" he asked.

Finn made kissy face as he thought, "Do you think it's possible to be two people?"

Jake took another swig of his tea, and put it down beside him. He lay back too, putting his hands on his belly.

"Like," Finn continued, "there's the person that who want to be, and then there's the person who you are?"

"Well, I guess," Jake answered, "I mean, I want to be smart so I can impress Lady Rainicorn, rather than the other way around. But, every time I try, I fall flat on my face and Lady just laughs at me."

"Hm..." Finn mumbled, not sure if Jake understood him.

"I suppose there's thoughts, and action," Jake added, trying to keep Finn on his words, "the stuff you do, and the stuff you _mean _to do."

"Yeah," Finn mused, "that's right."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you mean what you do. That makes you a stand-up guy."

Finn turned his head to him, "You're awesome too, Jake."

The dog smiled, "Thanks."

And they looked back towards the sky, watching the clouds roll past.

* * *

_A/N: Don't forget to review! Also, if you have any stories you wanna share or think I'll like, please post that as well. :)_


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